He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
