Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
