dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
