So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
