True but thats because hes a fetus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
