ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
