A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
