she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Randomize
