just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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