remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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