community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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