I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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