well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
