Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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