Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
