I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
