Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
