The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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