What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
