omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
