he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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