why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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