I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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