U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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