after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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