Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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