This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
