Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
