Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
