i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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