Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
wow bdsm is so cute
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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