k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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