It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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