we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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