chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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