sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
