trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
