I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i would one night stand the shit outta him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
