When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
