Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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