I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
