I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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