Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
