Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
