And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
