They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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