Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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