Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
