Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
