Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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