I just threw up on my dentist
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
