now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Canadian or clown?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me