i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.