Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.