do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.