And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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