Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
