Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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