I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
