so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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