i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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