I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
