Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize