Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
