Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I touched a dick in church today
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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