I think i peed on brittanys purse
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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