my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
