my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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