I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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