guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
