don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize