I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
