so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
