If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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