I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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