If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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