i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
