just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
