Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
