cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
